ONE thing

My brother asked me if I could ask God for ONE thing and know that He would give it to me, what would I ask for? I asked my friends on facebook what they would say. There was so pretty good responses, like wanting to be a child God is proud of. I definitely want to hear well done good and faithful servant at the end of my life. I also really liked the mother who would ask for safety, health and happiness for her child. One of my favorite was boldness to tell others about Christ. Amen to that my dear friend.

As far as my answer, I had to think about it awhile. I know it would have to be something great. It's tempting to want to ask for money but that's so temporal and, though it could help people, I know there are many things greater.

After thinking I answered him back. I would ask to love like God does in thought, word, and deed. The bible says we are to walk in love. Without love we are nothing. There are many spiritual gifts that are wonderful but someday they will pass away. Besides, if I have all spiritual gifts but do not love I am nothing and I gain nothing. (I Cor. 13)

But if I love like our Lord in thought, word and deed, I would see people through the eyes of love. Be motivated by love and act without fear because perfect love drives out fear. (I John 4:18) I would know when to act and when to be still. I would be slow to anger and abounding in love, just like my Lord. (Exodus 34:6) A lot of the fleshly thoughts I have in my head would stop as my heart would be consumed by perfect love.

Perfect love. We have such few examples of that in the world. Even the examples we have don't come close to the love God has. Perfect love is not weak or wimpy. It's actually impressively triumphant, bold, courageous and righteous. It may have looked like Jesus was weak as He stood there having accusations thrown at him hours before His crucifixion, but He was in control the whole time. His motivation was His love for us. There is nothing selfish about perfect love. My desire is that we all can understand how deep Gods love for us is and let his love consume us. I believe it would change us.

As for my fb friends, I'm praying God does give you what you asked for.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, how deep his love is. Ephesians 3:18

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. 

I John 3:1a 

Life Is Good

 

Of all the places I've been in my life I have to say that this moment in time is my favorite. Yeah, sure I have financial issues and the unanswered question of what's my body doing but I have to say, life really is good. I have a great husband who loves me and treats me well. More importantly he loves God and lives what he believes. I have four beautiful, smart children and a home to call my own. That was quite a miracle. By the world's standards we shouldn't own a home but God is awesome so here I sit. I can walk, I can run, I can speak, I can shout for joy which is what I've chosen to do today. 

God loves the praises of His people. There's something about praise. Even if it takes everything you've got to praise, you get a little stronger. Then you praise more and get more strength...and on and on. Isn't God great that way. We feel like we are giving but when we give to God He gives back to us.

 

 

Yesterday I visited with one of the pastors from church and he made a point that was very freeing for me. God doesn't condemn us when we go to Him with our complaints. Look at David and all those who wrote the Psalms. There are many complaints in there and it was okay. He doesn't love us more today because we didn't struggle as much. He loves us the same every day. The fact we struggle is a positive. It means we're fighting against flesh and worldly thoughts rather than going with them. We're fighting because we know God is greater and has created us to be greater then what the world has to offer. It's okay to tell God your struggling. He can relate because He to had a body and daily needs that needed to be met. If these daily struggles press us closer to the Lord then I'll praise Him all the more. Just be cautious to not let these struggles push you away from God rather then to Him. He is a good God and He IS for us, not against us.   

In His Time. For His Glory.

The Lord has been reminding me of the many examples in the bible of people who waited on the Lord. The children of Israel waited over 400 years for God to fulfill His promise to return them to their own land. I imagine many of them lost hope and were full of doubt and skepticism.

Then when God gave Moses instructions to get His people out of Egypt it didn't go very smooth. God warned Moses about that beforehand but still, I would imagine, it was hard for the Israelites to keep trusting God was in the middle of the situation. I so easily buy into the lie that if God is in the middle of something it will look neat and tidy. That is so far from the truth. The more impossible a situation looks the brighter God shines. Look at Lazarus. That situation looked hopeless yet God was always in control. He had not forgotten them. Everything was going exactly as God wanted it to. Lazarus was raised from the dead and God received the glory for it. Nothing is impossible for God. (Luke 1:37)

I've also thought about the time when the Israelites got out of Egypt and followed where God wanted them to go only to see Pharaoh's army chasing them with fierce determination. The Israelites had no where to run because the Red Sea was behind them. Moses told them they only needed to be still, God would fight for them. How hard that would have been standing there with your children and watching this cloud of fury coming toward you as you wonder if you need to choose between drowning or death by the sword. Yet, this also was for the glory of God. God was in complete control. The Lord quickly told Moses to stretch his staff over the sea and have the people move forward. I'm sure the sight of the parted Red Sea was unbelievable, intimidating at the least. Anyone would have to be crazy to walk through it but with their backs against a wall what other choice did they have but to take a step forward. Maybe we have situations where we need to feel our backs are against the wall in order to be crazy enough to take the next step of faith. Whatever the reason, God knows what He's doing.

As I've been waiting for the Lord I've found it very challenging to stand on the promises of God. To stand on the fact He will fulfill every word He speaks. Keeping hope has been challenging. I can understand why Sarah laughed when the visitors told Abraham God was now going to fulfill His promise to them for a son. Once again, life was breathed into a seemingly dead situation.

I also remind myself that the fulfillment of God's promises may not look the way we thought they would. The teachers of the law expected the long awaited King of the Jews to look very different then the Jesus who stood before them. God knew Jesus was exactly what the world needed and exactly how they needed it. From the immaculate conception, to Jesus growing up the despised city of Nazareth, to the fact this King did not live in a palace. Jesus may not have looked as some thought he should but this was the exact will of God.

As I thought over my life in other times where I waited for God I can see that God was always faithful to what He said He would do. My faith always grew in those situations and God's glory always shined through. It's in the waiting, refining and heat of the situation that makes the testimony. Yes, happily ever after is a great ending but it's in the struggle, the pain, the refining by fire that we grow. More important then the fulfillment is the death of my flesh that comes in times of waiting. We want to be strong in the Lord but we first have to go through the sweat and tears of training, and purifying.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

Recently I've been overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the lack of finances and by my health issues. The Lord has confirmed in several ways that He is answering our cries for help. He has heard us and the answer is coming. In His timing. For His glory.

So now we're waiting...and waiting. Ugh!!! Have you ever waited on the Lord? Oh my! Talk about learning to persevere. I get torn between trusting and feeling forgotten, having faith and losing hope. Every day is like a roller coaster. A spiritual tug of war between emotions and trusting God at His word. At first I was so strong but as time has gone by I'm getting weary and tired. At first I was excited at all the things the Lord was telling me. Looking forward to the day I would see it all. Now I find myself wondering when, and sometimes if, those times will ever comes. My mind is blank, my steps feel heavy. It can even feel hard to breath. At my lowest about a week ago I found myself on the couch while my kids watched a movie, depressed, crying and with all motivation gone to even pick up God's word. Although I know that's where I'll find help. Yet it seemed blank to me. I get tired of words and want to see action from God. Yet, this is on His timing and schedule, not mine. 

I know that we (my husband and I) are still in the will of God. His answer right now is wait and trust Him. So that's what I must do. I can't jump ahead of Him. When you go somewhere on your own effort, somewhere the Holy Spirit has not lead you, you'll come against so much trouble and fail in all your attempts to force God's promises to come faster. Remember Sarah trying to “help” Abraham and his promise for a son. She had him sleep with her maidservant instead of trusting God. That resulted in a mess for generations. We can't get ahead of God and He doesn't need us to help Him move faster. So when He says wait, you need to wait. Easier said then done! Believe me, I KNOW!!!

We will find strength in His joy and joy in His Word. Read it, get it in you. Easy to say. There's been several times I haven't had strength to read His Word. Yet even then, God is faithful. On that lowest day that I talked about earlier I desperately wanted encouragement but was so frustrated and disheartened that I said to God I knew there would be no encouraging words for me that day. I was doubting God and mad at Him. I was feeling like Job. Yet God was good and in the afternoon my mom texted me and wanted to come over. It took awhile for my heart to soften but we did talk and it helped. Even then my Father was caring for me. He never has left me, though it feels like it sometimes. He's right here with me and will never leave me. It says so in His Word so I know it's something I can bank on.

Most days I just go about my day taking care of my kids and doing housework. But inside...at the heart of me is where the tug of war has been more intense then the normal daily battles. I know this is refining me and forming me...but it's hard...to wait.

If you've ever seen Facing the Giants that's what my husband and I feel like. The part where the couple is breaking down at the table and the part where the football player has to do the dead man's crawl blind folded. That's exactly how we feel! We don't know where we're going but God is coaching us to not give up, keep going. We don't know how far we have left and feel like we've given everything, like there's nothing left.

Here's the bottom line. I know God will fulfill every promise. He can not be unfaithful.

I will serve Him, I will love Him. In the good and in the bad. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego put it best, Even if He does not save us, we will still praise Him.  

Regret

I have done plenty of things in my life that I regret. Lately Satan has highlighted several bad choices I made nearly 20 years ago and keeps throwing them back in my face. How different would my life be had I made better choices? I should have known better. What was I thinking? His accusations of me have been effective.

Regret leads nowhere good. Regret turns to jealousy, turns to bitterness and anger, turns to resentment and to feeling unworthy and depressed.

Regret is not of God. We've all made mistakes we need to be redeemed from but Jesus paid the price for us and forgives us when we ask. 

Personally, I have a hard time forgiving myself. Especially when I know I knew better. It's a trap from the devil really. He promotes you to sin, then when you do he won't let you forget it.

If you're a child of God you can forget it because Jesus has already forgotten your mistake when you asked for forgiveness. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

So child of God, regret not more! You're a child of the One true King.

Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget
Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief
These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life
What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King
~ Matthew West, Hello My Name Is

Focus on His purposes for you. On His plan for your life. God is good!

I will not be chained down by regret. I have been redeemed and set free of the way I used to live. I am not a victim to it anymore. Now that I am free I will live my life according to God's will and will live out His plan for my life. No longer a victim I will shout the praises of God from the mountain tops, to the hillside and yes, even in the valleys of my life.

I have been set free.

I have been made clean.
Jump and shout for joy!
I am no longer a slave.
I am free!

So if the Son sets you free you are free indeed. 
John 8:36

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 23:6

To be beautiful

I prayed a few days ago that the Lord would keep me humble.  He certainly answered quickly. 

Yesterday my pastor posted an article on Facebook from Christianity Today about Angelina Jolie's decision to get a mastectomy because of her high risk of getting breast cancer.  It talked about how women find our identities and our worth in our external appearances, like "the length of our hair, the size of our jeans or the label on our handbag". (quote from Christianity Today)  We hold on to things that we think make us attractive.  In reality it becomes a trap for us.  These things are just superficial beauty.  Who we are to God and who we are inside is what makes us beautiful. 

As I began to digest what the author was saying I looked into myself and saw that I do that.  All that evening the Lord was showing me when I did little things that showed this fleshy side of me.  I saw how I do want to look beautiful to others.  I don't flaunt around or try to get people to notice me but I want to be beautiful...as if I have more value that way. 

I don't think it's wrong to want to look nice.  I see my four year old daughter saying, "Daddy, do I look pretty?"  As she twists and twirls and gives her daddy the prettiest smile.  It's like it's knitted into our being.  No, looking nice is fine.  Where it gets dangerous is when we scale our value from how beautiful we think we are or if others find us beautiful.  Yes, wanting to look pretty is knitted in us but so is our flesh nature.  That's something we must keep in check.  Something I know I need to keep in check because without thinking about it a little part of me thinks that the better I look the more worthy I am.  In our society women get this message at a young age.  It's everywhere.  I especially noticed it when people started saying how I looked really good after I started losing weight.  People said it so much I wanted to scream.  I was losing weight because there is something wrong with my body.  Is that attractive?  I understand where they were coming from but ladies we've been fed a lie.  Our lives don't get better because our jean size is smaller.  Trust me.  We are still the same people living the same lives.  Our lives DO get better when we have peace because we realize how beautiful we are to God.

So in the midst of this I'm seeing my flesh and how many times I primp just a bit or think I need to get my eyebrows waxed, etc...  Now I'm getting disgusted and broken because I see all the flesh I have on me and it's ugly!!!  The ways of the flesh truly are ugly.  Yet through all this the Lord tells me He still loves me.  He has an undying love for me and He always will.  He sees all the ugliness on me better then anyone and yet holds me dear.  Humbling indeed.  There is absolutely nothing good in me on my own.  If you see any goodness on me it's because of Christ.  Left on my own I am truly ugly.

You should clothe yourselves with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.  I Peter 3:4

       

 

A Happy Mother

I feel so privileged to be called mom.  In the business of raising four kids it's easy to take being a mom for granted.  Today I was recalling how gracious the Lord has been to me as a mother.  My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and was very hard on me.  Then I was blessed with my oldest daughter.  A couple years later her father and I divorced.  I was raised not to divorce and that if you did you never thought about getting remarried again.  I guess I thought I would get zapped with a pillar of fire or something.  So I never thought I'd have more then my daughter. 

The Lord was gracious to me and gave me a second chance at marriage and having my own family.  He gave me a wonderful man who loves Christ.  With that blessing the hope of more children.  My next pregnancy (this would be my 3rd pregnancy) also ended in miscarriage. 

A few months later I became pregnant again.  Then I started having problems and thought I was losing this one too.  I went to the ER with mixed emotions.  I was angry and scared.   I had my husband call the prayer chain at church and prayers began for me.  The ER did an ultrasound on me and not to far into it they turned the monitor my direction so I could see the baby.  There was my peanut with his little heart beating steady, completely unaware of the chaos outside his little world.  The ER Dr. gave me some progesterone and it worked for me.  That is how my oldest son came in the world.  God has a special destiny for that little man!  

My 5th pregnancy also ended as a miscarriage but only a few months later I became pregnant again.  Pregnancy 6 I had another beautiful little girl.  I had to give her the middle name of Joy because of the joy her dad and I have to have her. 

Pregnancy #7 I was scared and really had to lean on God.  After all my pattern was to miscarry every other.  My mind became a battlefield as I would hear the enemy dart fear at me daily.  Yet my faithful Lord would remind me He is in control and that is NOT the destiny He has for this child!  I did a lot of leaning on God and my faith grew as did my pregnant body :)  We were blessed with a beautiful baby boy and I will always treasure the promises God has given me for this child.

Through this whole process of losing and having children I've learned to treasure each of the children I hold even more.  It taught me what a gift children are.  It also taught me that no matter how the situation turns out, God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  That I can always lean on Him.  He will always be there to comfort me, to guide me and give me the strength I need for each new day.  That God loves me always and not to judge how much God loves us on our circumstances but to rely on faith that God's love is always there for me. 

I am thankful for the four I hold and comforted at knowing Jesus is holding my other three and when I get to heaven, I'll have three precious children greeting me. 

He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother.  Praise the LORD!  Psalm 113:9