Yesterday my pastor posted an article on Facebook from Christianity Today about Angelina Jolie's decision to get a mastectomy because of her high risk of getting breast cancer. It talked about how women find our identities and our worth in our external appearances, like "the length of our hair, the size of our jeans or the label on our handbag". (quote from Christianity Today) We hold on to things that we think make us attractive. In reality it becomes a trap for us. These things are just superficial beauty. Who we are to God and who we are inside is what makes us beautiful.
As I began to digest what the author was saying I looked into myself and saw that I do that. All that evening the Lord was showing me when I did little things that showed this fleshy side of me. I saw how I do want to look beautiful to others. I don't flaunt around or try to get people to notice me but I want to be beautiful...as if I have more value that way.
I don't think it's wrong to want to look nice. I see my four year old daughter saying, "Daddy, do I look pretty?" As she twists and twirls and gives her daddy the prettiest smile. It's like it's knitted into our being. No, looking nice is fine. Where it gets dangerous is when we scale our value from how beautiful we think we are or if others find us beautiful. Yes, wanting to look pretty is knitted in us but so is our flesh nature. That's something we must keep in check. Something I know I need to keep in check because without thinking about it a little part of me thinks that the better I look the more worthy I am. In our society women get this message at a young age. It's everywhere. I especially noticed it when people started saying how I looked really good after I started losing weight. People said it so much I wanted to scream. I was losing weight because there is something wrong with my body. Is that attractive? I understand where they were coming from but ladies we've been fed a lie. Our lives don't get better because our jean size is smaller. Trust me. We are still the same people living the same lives. Our lives DO get better when we have peace because we realize how beautiful we are to God.
So in the midst of this I'm seeing my flesh and how many times I primp just a bit or think I need to get my eyebrows waxed, etc... Now I'm getting disgusted and broken because I see all the flesh I have on me and it's ugly!!! The ways of the flesh truly are ugly. Yet through all this the Lord tells me He still loves me. He has an undying love for me and He always will. He sees all the ugliness on me better then anyone and yet holds me dear. Humbling indeed. There is absolutely nothing good in me on my own. If you see any goodness on me it's because of Christ. Left on my own I am truly ugly.
You should clothe yourselves with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. I Peter 3:4
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