The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

Recently I've been overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the lack of finances and by my health issues. The Lord has confirmed in several ways that He is answering our cries for help. He has heard us and the answer is coming. In His timing. For His glory.

So now we're waiting...and waiting. Ugh!!! Have you ever waited on the Lord? Oh my! Talk about learning to persevere. I get torn between trusting and feeling forgotten, having faith and losing hope. Every day is like a roller coaster. A spiritual tug of war between emotions and trusting God at His word. At first I was so strong but as time has gone by I'm getting weary and tired. At first I was excited at all the things the Lord was telling me. Looking forward to the day I would see it all. Now I find myself wondering when, and sometimes if, those times will ever comes. My mind is blank, my steps feel heavy. It can even feel hard to breath. At my lowest about a week ago I found myself on the couch while my kids watched a movie, depressed, crying and with all motivation gone to even pick up God's word. Although I know that's where I'll find help. Yet it seemed blank to me. I get tired of words and want to see action from God. Yet, this is on His timing and schedule, not mine. 

I know that we (my husband and I) are still in the will of God. His answer right now is wait and trust Him. So that's what I must do. I can't jump ahead of Him. When you go somewhere on your own effort, somewhere the Holy Spirit has not lead you, you'll come against so much trouble and fail in all your attempts to force God's promises to come faster. Remember Sarah trying to “help” Abraham and his promise for a son. She had him sleep with her maidservant instead of trusting God. That resulted in a mess for generations. We can't get ahead of God and He doesn't need us to help Him move faster. So when He says wait, you need to wait. Easier said then done! Believe me, I KNOW!!!

We will find strength in His joy and joy in His Word. Read it, get it in you. Easy to say. There's been several times I haven't had strength to read His Word. Yet even then, God is faithful. On that lowest day that I talked about earlier I desperately wanted encouragement but was so frustrated and disheartened that I said to God I knew there would be no encouraging words for me that day. I was doubting God and mad at Him. I was feeling like Job. Yet God was good and in the afternoon my mom texted me and wanted to come over. It took awhile for my heart to soften but we did talk and it helped. Even then my Father was caring for me. He never has left me, though it feels like it sometimes. He's right here with me and will never leave me. It says so in His Word so I know it's something I can bank on.

Most days I just go about my day taking care of my kids and doing housework. But inside...at the heart of me is where the tug of war has been more intense then the normal daily battles. I know this is refining me and forming me...but it's hard...to wait.

If you've ever seen Facing the Giants that's what my husband and I feel like. The part where the couple is breaking down at the table and the part where the football player has to do the dead man's crawl blind folded. That's exactly how we feel! We don't know where we're going but God is coaching us to not give up, keep going. We don't know how far we have left and feel like we've given everything, like there's nothing left.

Here's the bottom line. I know God will fulfill every promise. He can not be unfaithful.

I will serve Him, I will love Him. In the good and in the bad. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego put it best, Even if He does not save us, we will still praise Him.