Rainy days

Resting in the arms of the Almighty. What a quiet place to rest. Listening to the soft rains outside. It may seem dreary out there but it's preparation for a better day, a greener day. Growth happens under the heavy clouds. The sun is still there and will shine upon us again. Although it is shining on us now or there wouldn't be daylight. Sometimes we warm ourselves in the sun's rays but other times we grow under the cold spring rains. Both are needed to keep things in harmony.

I'm finding myself learning to rest...rest beside still waters. To be still and know God is at work. Fighting for me. Birthing His purposes into being for me. It's easy to get distracted by the busyness and brokeness of the world. It's easy to get down in the grayness of rainy days.

I'm clothing myself in the love of the Almighty.

I find security in Him.

I'm turning in caring what others think of me for who God says I am.

I'm trading in my fears as I wait for His full healing touch to be revealed in my life.

I am honored to rest in the quietness of the beauty of God.

His love and peace surround me like a royal robe.

I am honored to be loved by the King of kings. His love is never failing. He is ever faithful to me. Praise be to God.

I'm in a different season...a necessary season. I write this as I am waiting on the Lord to fulfill many promises He has given me. One being the healing of my body. In the waiting I could so easily get depressed and doubt, just as many of us wonder when we will ever see a sunny spring day. Yet I know the sunshine is coming. Joy is coming. My testimony is far beyond anthing I put in this blog. I'm looking forward to the day I can say all the Lord had done and is doing. He is good. He is faithful.

We can choose how to look at these cold, rainy days. They are either dreary and a pain or they are promises of growth at the dawn of a new season.    

Loving the way Jesus loves

Many months ago I found out about a situation where one of my loved ones was wronged in a way that cut me to the fiber of my being. It really rocked my world but I tried to stay well composed on the outside, walking very carefully in how I dealt with the situation. Honestly, I think it shook my world more then it did the person who was wronged. I dealt with the surface stuff that demanded my attention but because it was causing me so much pain I buried the rest of it. Or so I tried. I knew I should give it to God but that would mean I'd have to go through a process of dealing with the pain and I just had no energy left to deal with it at the time.

I've been carrying unforgivness toward the offender for months now. In the last couple of months I can feel my heart very slowly soften. I could hear the Lord whisper to me that I'm going to have to deal with this sooner or later. He won't allow me to continue to have my heart poisoned by unforgiveness.

This weekend I felt Him working on me about it more. This is what came to my mind.

What kind of a witness am I if I won't forgive someone else for what they've done to me or one of my loved ones. The world is full of vicious wolves ready to tell people how horrible they are. But there are much fewer who are willing to show God's unconditional love, grace and forgiveness to someone who has hurt them down to the depths of their soul.

It's so hard to do. It's so much easier to stay angry. It's so much more convenient...for me... to try and make that person disappear out of my life ...but that's not realistic. It doesn't change anything and it's unhealthy; for you, the offender and everyone who's watching you in your journey of life. I believe we usually underestimate how many lives we touch and how deeply we touch them.

Softening your hear and choosing to forgive is not easy! But we...I can not continue to walk in bitterness. Heaven help me!

My children have a front row seat to all I say and do. How I live speaks to them in ways I don't understand right now. They can either watch my heart continue to harden and be troubled and torn.

Or they can have a front row seat to the power of forgiving what many would see as unforgivable. To witness the love of God move in a family and close the gap of separation and pain that sin brings.

The choice seems obvious on paper. Yet my heart is torn between resistance and obedience, self-preservation and loving as Jesus does. I'm scared to go thru the healing process. To deal with the pain I shoved in some corner of my heart. The cleansing light of the Holy Spirit has a way of bringing us to those places in our heart. This is our Lord's saving grace. His revealing our sin to us gives us the opportunity to grow closer to Him. In the end we will have peace, joy and rest.

Going through the process of dealing with something I tried to bury is hard and it probably will have pain. However it's not so much about choosing to forgive as it is choosing to do what Christ wants me to do. It's about obedience and trusting God every step of the way. Remembering that all the while my sweet Savior will be pouring His healing power over the wound and the pain.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

I know that Jesus will never leave me or forsake me. He is ready and waiting to envelope me in His grace.

I choose to forgive but not one my own strength. I wouldn't dare try. My flesh would rather not move but in my spirit I know I must rely on Jesus to help me love and forgive as He does. I must remember that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Ephesians 6:12

I choose to surrender to loving the way Jesus loves.

Getting out of my box

My husband is such an out-of-the-box thinker. Occasionally this has been challenging in our marriage but overall it has been very good for me. Growing up I've always been a rule follower. Show me the list of what is expected of me. I need it concrete, in my hand, so I can know what is and isn't acceptable. They become like boundaries for me. However, it wasn't til after I met and married my husband I realized they also become walls for me.

I love to try and be as efficient as possible with our living space. I do my best to make things look nice with what I have. Not long ago my project was giving me more floor space in the schoolroom so I could arrange the kids' desks better. I kept looking at the schoolroom and could only see a few options. I moved my daughters desk then lay on the floor to stretch out my back. As I did I looked at the ceiling and realized how big the ceiling was. I knew the floor was the same size. Why couldn't I see a better way to organize this room? I prayed, “Lord, help me to see things out of the box here so I can use this room the best way.” Minutes later my husband came in the room and we started talking about how we were going to arrange things. Marc came up with a plan I never would have thought of. It took me a few minutes to rearrange my mind but his idea gave us much more space.

Again as I was reorganizing the schoolroom I was looking to move one of our shelves to the laundry room. There's a huge broom cabinet that was in the laundry room when we moved in. It wasn't fixed to the wall but it was a wall in my mind. Then my husband started saying that he could move the cabinet. “What! That thing is taller then you (and my husband is very tall),” I thought to myself. It was very out of the box for me. I was just planning around it rather then attempting to move it. Marc had no hesitation to move it. In the end he moved it to the opposite wall, rather easily as I cringed and worried the whole time, and it gave me the space I needed to move the other bookshelf there. I have my quiet time in the mornings in my laundry room and I as I was just sitting there, listening to the Lord telling me He hasn't forgotten me in my situation with my health and finances, I noticed the cabinet. What a wall that was for me. How impassible it was to me. Yet my husband did not hesitate and neither will the Lord hesitate to come in at just the right time and move my wall for me, effortlessly though I may cringe and worry the whole time.

                                     “For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37

Instead of always thinking “No, I can't” I need to remember that even if I can't God can. Will I trust Him to go before me? To move whatever He needs to out of my path or help me climb over if that's the way He wants me to go about it? What we see seems so real and fixed but to God it's temporal and easily removable. Even death was not to big of a thing for our Lord to overcome. Why would I ever fear or worry when God is right there with me? Lord, help me to always remember how mighty and powerful and big you are.

Overweight Christians

I wrote this several months ago but was to afraid to put it on my blog because I didn't want to offend anyone.  The title sounds so harsh to me so I've let it sit. Then I rediscovered it in a computer file I don't usually open (along with several others I haven't finished yet). It's just to good to let it sit in my computer. I need to stop being afraid and share it with you anyway. How ironic, that by withholding this, I made myself an overweight christian. Forgive me Lord for being a people pleaser and withholding what you shared with me.

Several months ago I heard the words overweight christian whispered in my heart as I was in the middle of deciding whether I was hungry enough to eat the PBJ I just made. It certainly got my attention and I began listening closer to what the Lord was trying to say to me. The Lord began to teach me what He meant by those words.

In America we are blessed to have an abundance food available to us. With this blessing, as with all blessings, comes a responsibility to use it correctly and with balance. It is evident in America that there is a growing problem of obesity. The pressure is enormous to stay looking thin and beautiful. Between magazines, movies, television commercials, even radio commercials it's hard to miss the mold the world says you should fit into. There are fad diets, exercise programs, pills, and health warnings among a multitude of other things to try to get you into shape as soon as possible.

Recently I saw this issue in a new light. In America we are also blessed to be able to go to any church or bible study any time we want without fear of harm or putting ourselves in danger. If you're not able to go anywhere there are sermons and seminars on T.V. or the internet. There are radio talk shows that help us with our walk with Christ as well as an overwhelming amount of books. You can find teachings on pretty much any subject out there. These are truly a blessing. Again, with blessing comes responsibility.

We need teaching. We need knowledge. We need to be informed on things, especially on the things of the Lord. Now that we've taken in these teachings, what are we to do with them? We eat physical food so our body has energy to live and move and function properly. We also take in spiritual food to give us spiritual energy to move with the leading of the Lord and to live according to God's way.

Yet when we take in the Word of God then do nothing with it, that knowledge sits there and is not a help for us or anyone else. It becomes stored in our spirit man waiting to be used. If we continue to not let God's Word put us into action, to not examine ourselves and change our hearts or ways according to what God is telling us or if we keep our hands from serving and feet from telling the Good News of Christ, then that knowledge compounds over time and make us slothful and sluggish in our walk with Christ. It can even make us hypocritical, judgmental and legalistic just like the Pharisees who do the actions but have no inward change or result. This is what is meant by the overweight Christian.

Just like being physically overweight the antidote is exercise. Exercise for the long haul, for a lifetime. Consistant and continuous. It's a lifestyle, not just a choice for the moment. Although little choices added together can make a lifestyle.

Just like with any good exercise program you should start by visiting your Dr. When checking with our Great Physician He will tell you exactly what you should and shouldn't be doing. He knows what you've taken in and how to use that efficently. He knows what you haven't taken in and therefore what you can't do at this time because you have yet to learn it. Each of us has a special plan and purpose outlined for us and we need to go to Him to receive instructions. He has your individual plan ready and waiting for you.

Even though our plans are individualized we are all in this together. Having an exercise buddy, also known as an accountablity partner, would be of great help to you.

What we really want is to have strong hearts for the Lord. Hearts that are serving and producing fruit. Hearts that are being doers of the Word and not just hearers of it. Others can see if we are doing this by how we are living our lives. When they know you are for real and doing what the Word says, they to will be inspired to live in accordance with what the Lord has shown them. This gets the blood in the body of Christ flowing. It also decreases tension because you aren't being hypocritical. People know you are true to the Lord.

As we continue to move in the opportunities the Lord gives us, our muscles will get stronger. We will develop a deeper relationship with the Lord and our influence will be greater. All the while remembering we are doing this for the Lord and no one else.

Like the people in Wall-E who got large enjoyed their food and sat in their hovering chairs, they lost their ability to walk. They were so blinded by luxury with their virtual TV right in front of them and robots to wait on them. They didn't even know they had a pool or jogging track. They didn't even realize who was sitting next to them. Their victory came when opposition came and their captain made a choice to get up and take it step by step. So our victory will come when we chose to walk step by step. No longer blinded to the gifts God has given us. No longer oblivious to the wonderful people right next to us. Small as those steps may be in the beginning before long, with strong muscles, we'll be running the race set out before us.

Pleasantville

Dates don't happen all that often for my husband and I, so a few weeks ago we tried to make the most of our time together and after the kids went to bed we watched the movie, Pleasantville. Pleasantville is about a teenage brother and sister that end up accidentally zapping themselves into the brother's favorite TV show. The show takes place in the 50's and is like the good ol' shows of Leave it to Beaver or Father knows Best. Everything in this show is pleasant. There's even a scene when the girl goes in to bathroom and finds there is no toilet. Nothing unpleasant in Pleasantville.

 Wow!!! Wouldn't it be great to take everything in your life that's unpleasant and have it just disappear! All the past mistakes you made, especially the ones that you are still paying the consequences for, would just zap out of your life with the push of a button on a remote. (As they would say in the movie) Gee, that would be swell! Or would it?

I saw this quote the other day: “If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; If we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.” Oh how true that is!

On the show Pleasantville everything is in black and white but slowly everything starts turning to color. When you see the color of one rose in the middle of a black and white picture it really pops! Just as when you receive blessing and/or joyful news after a period of a very trying time. The blessing tastes even sweeter then it would had nothing difficult been going on in your life. That made me look a the thorns of life in a whole different manner. It's hard to go through difficult situations. They squeeze us and try us down to the very core of our being. They can wear on us and are physically and emotionally exausting. Sometimes we wonder why we're even in that situation. We don't always get to there through our own doing but at one time or another ALL of us will find ourselves in trying situations. When those times come, cry out to Jesus! Reach for Him! Though the situation stinks right now and can even be very painful, the light of day IS coming and with it, healing.

“But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.” Malachi 4:2

“Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will go your rear guard.” Isaiah 58:8

Just like Jesus wasn't afraid of the stench that would be in Lazurus's grave, neither is he afraid of the big stinky messes we get in. Though it looks dark and dead inside that place, Jesus has complete contol. He can breathe life into any situation and give hope where hope has died.

The tension we feel between good and evil and of sin and doing what's right will be there as long as we are on this Earth, but it is that tension that drives us closer to our Lord. We get emptied of the icky stuff inside of us and filled up with more of Christ. In this light, the tension can be a good thing.

“Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galations 6:9

Continue you to do the good you know the Lord wants you to do during these trying times. Don't grow bitter or angry or start playing the blame game. Which is easy to do. Instead continue to praise the name of the one who is worth all glory and praise. Read the Psalms, turn on the Christian music and keep your focus of this moment verses the span of time. Keep your focus on Jesus and loving Him.

“...we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope and hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts, by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-4

 It may not always be “pleasant” as we think of pleasant but in Christ we, as dearly loved children of God, are always free from the unpleasant things the world tries to chain us down with. We are free through Christ. Free because Satan has been stripped of his power. Free because Jesus has given us authority over sin, death, hell and anything else that gets thrown our way.

“When Jesus called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out demons and to cure all diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.” Luke 9:1

“ In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”   I Peter 1:6-7

My job

Today it may be cold outside but my heart is warm. Last night I had a dream that I got a job. It was a decent job with decent pay, good benefits and nice hours. Yet something inside bothered me. Something wasn't right because getting a job isn't what I've been called to do. I've been called to be a stay-at-home mom and wife who homeschools her children. No amount of money or position title or benefits can ever take the place of that.

My kids are priceless to me and my husband is irreplaceable. The time I have to spend with them I cherish. Even if I feel like my attention is being split multiple times at the same time. Even though it feels chaotic sometimes. I still cherish it.

I love being able to have dinner on the table when my husband gets home. I love that the Lord has answered my prayers and taught me how to cook. Last night I made homemade mashed potatoes for the first time. They turned out great. I was tickled pink at my accomplishment. I couldn't wait for my husband to come home and see what I made. I felt like my kids when they wait anxiously for daddy to come home so they can show him something new they did or made that day.

I love that the Lord is my boss and my job is to shine the light of Jesus into my kids and to shine what a family who loves the Lord looks like into others.

On this chilly March morning, I may not have a regular paycheck or a benefits package but I get to throw my heart and soul into my husband and kids.

My almost 4yr old daughter said to me yesterday, “You're a very good mommy.” That's worth more to me then any prestigious job title or any certificate hanging on my wall.

Thank you Lord for my job as wife, stay-at-home and homeschool mom.

He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord. Psalm 113:9

My Faith Stretcher

Hello everyone!  I just wanted to blog about how life is going and ask you all to pray for a few things.  I know I mentioned some things on facebook but there's not enough room to say all I wanted to say. 

So I've been on gluten-free diet for two months now and it really has been helping.  My abdominal pain is gone.  It doesn't burn when I eat food anymore (unless I accidentally eat some gluten).  Some of my joint pain has gone away, I'm not as weak and tired and my weight loss has slowed down.  Thank you Lord for that.  For about three weeks though I've had a few digestion problems that seem to have worsen.  I don't want to go to the Dr but think I may have to.  I've done alot of research but there is just a point when you need the doctors help.  However, I was sitting in MOPS this evening and it occurred to me I haven't asked my friends to pray about this for me.  I have been going to God personally but I really felt I should ask my friends and family to pray too, BEFORE going to the Dr.  So if you would please pray for me I'd appreciate it.  These verses keep popping out on me that say God will heal all your diseases.  I believe that.  I know that.  Just waiting for it.

Next, I figured since you're already at the throne of God, please pray for Marc and I and our finances.  Other verses that have been popping out at me have been how God provides for His people not just enough but more then enough.  So much blessing that you will not have enough room in your storehouses for it.  Malachi 3:10  That was for those who faithfully tithe by the way.  We are BIG believers on tithing.  Oh man, don't get me on that one.  That's a blog for another day. 

So I was in my quite time the other day and was reading John 15 and I felt inspired to ask the Lord for a financial miracle.  I hesitated before actually giving my request to the Lord because I wasn't sure what might happen but figured we're pretty well set up now, with our financial challenges.  It was that same day I had a dentist appointment and found out I need $3000 worth of dental work done.  They gave us an application to help us with payments but what it really is is a loan and something just didn't feel right about it.  I decided not to go that route.  Then we discovered we need another dependable car, one that can travel to Omaha and we got a really big Dr. bill.  Squeezed in between all this, God asked us to give, what is to us, a bigger amount above our tithe.  You see, our money is not really our money.  When I say our I mean everybody on the planet.  It belongs to God.  Everything on Earth belongs to God.  He lends it to us and asks us to be good stewarts of it.  Not just money but every good blessing, kids, houses, cars, friends, our spouse.  God has given us those good things.  Now, how are you going to use them?  This is where free will comes in.  God commands us to give Him a tenth (the tithe) not for Him because He already owns it but for us.  It's a faith stretcher.  An attitude adjustment and shows where our priorities really are.  He commands a tenth but it's an even bigger faith stretcher to decide to glorify Him with whatever He asks.  Even if that hits the pocketbook.  So, I was discussing it with my husband and weighing what God asked of us and the more we talked about it the more we knew we had to obey. 

This may sound crazy to many but it reminds me of the children of Israel when they came to Jericho.  God gave them that city. Just like He says He will poor out His blessing on those who faithfully tithe.  So the blessing is for my husband and I.  He said the city was theirs but the people in the city wouldn't give up without a fight.  Just like Satan (yes he is real) won't hand over what he stole from us. 

So God gives the Isrealites directions.  Walk around the walls of Jericho one time each day for six days and the seventh day walk around seven times, then the priests will blow their horns and everyone is to yell and the walls will fall down.  Whenever I hear this story I think of how Veggie Tales tells it.  It's so perfect how they visualize it.  So right now I have Veggie Tales going through my head.  Anyway, these directions seemed crazy.  Hmm... Just like my praying for help, then getting lots of bills and instead of money given to us God asks money from us.  That may seem crazy.  To me it sounds like God has something up His sleeve (and it's a BIG sleeve).  Sounds like He's positioning us to see a BIG financial miracle but He wants to know...will we trust Him?  Will we obey?  A faith stretcher indeed.

Last thing, I want to tell you this story.  It's so cool and true.  At church a couple Sundays ago they had some young adults who are going on a missions trip go forward to get prayed for.  At the beginning of the first service the missions team was still $10,000 short of what they needed.  They took an offering and God provided for them $11,000.  My jaw dropped.  Financial miracles are amazing to me.  You don't hear of them very often.  Not big ones anyway.  I got to thinking and all those verses promising blessing and healing are for everyone.  God doesn't say,"I will heall all your diseases and bless you.  Except for Hilary Mason (insert your name there)."  No He doesn't say that.  They are for everyone.   
        
So there is my very long prayer request.  Now you see why I couldn't write it all on fb:)
Thanks for your prayers and your love.