Loving the way Jesus loves

Many months ago I found out about a situation where one of my loved ones was wronged in a way that cut me to the fiber of my being. It really rocked my world but I tried to stay well composed on the outside, walking very carefully in how I dealt with the situation. Honestly, I think it shook my world more then it did the person who was wronged. I dealt with the surface stuff that demanded my attention but because it was causing me so much pain I buried the rest of it. Or so I tried. I knew I should give it to God but that would mean I'd have to go through a process of dealing with the pain and I just had no energy left to deal with it at the time.

I've been carrying unforgivness toward the offender for months now. In the last couple of months I can feel my heart very slowly soften. I could hear the Lord whisper to me that I'm going to have to deal with this sooner or later. He won't allow me to continue to have my heart poisoned by unforgiveness.

This weekend I felt Him working on me about it more. This is what came to my mind.

What kind of a witness am I if I won't forgive someone else for what they've done to me or one of my loved ones. The world is full of vicious wolves ready to tell people how horrible they are. But there are much fewer who are willing to show God's unconditional love, grace and forgiveness to someone who has hurt them down to the depths of their soul.

It's so hard to do. It's so much easier to stay angry. It's so much more convenient...for me... to try and make that person disappear out of my life ...but that's not realistic. It doesn't change anything and it's unhealthy; for you, the offender and everyone who's watching you in your journey of life. I believe we usually underestimate how many lives we touch and how deeply we touch them.

Softening your hear and choosing to forgive is not easy! But we...I can not continue to walk in bitterness. Heaven help me!

My children have a front row seat to all I say and do. How I live speaks to them in ways I don't understand right now. They can either watch my heart continue to harden and be troubled and torn.

Or they can have a front row seat to the power of forgiving what many would see as unforgivable. To witness the love of God move in a family and close the gap of separation and pain that sin brings.

The choice seems obvious on paper. Yet my heart is torn between resistance and obedience, self-preservation and loving as Jesus does. I'm scared to go thru the healing process. To deal with the pain I shoved in some corner of my heart. The cleansing light of the Holy Spirit has a way of bringing us to those places in our heart. This is our Lord's saving grace. His revealing our sin to us gives us the opportunity to grow closer to Him. In the end we will have peace, joy and rest.

Going through the process of dealing with something I tried to bury is hard and it probably will have pain. However it's not so much about choosing to forgive as it is choosing to do what Christ wants me to do. It's about obedience and trusting God every step of the way. Remembering that all the while my sweet Savior will be pouring His healing power over the wound and the pain.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

I know that Jesus will never leave me or forsake me. He is ready and waiting to envelope me in His grace.

I choose to forgive but not one my own strength. I wouldn't dare try. My flesh would rather not move but in my spirit I know I must rely on Jesus to help me love and forgive as He does. I must remember that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Ephesians 6:12

I choose to surrender to loving the way Jesus loves.