When is quiet time?

For years now I have struggled with when to do my quiet time with the Lord. I am not keen on getting up early in the morning. I remember when I was a single/working mom with a full time job. I had to be at work at 8 but I had to get ready, take my daughter to daycare and commute. I kept thinking there should be a law that noone should get up so early. I eventually learned to enjoy watching the sunrise instead of complaining.

I've tried many times to get up faithfully at a set time in the morning before anyone in my family is up. Still I feel like I'm not at my best. I'm struggling to open my eyes as I'm pulling out the bible. Other times I was so anxious about waking the children I had a hard time focusing. If I didn't get up I would feel guilty. I've tried reading my bible during breakfast or even after breakfast while the kids play. That worked a few years ago but doesn't work as well anymore. Of course I have added a child (or two) since then.

I've heard some people say you should get up first thing in the morning because that's when Jesus got up to spend time alone with His Father. It's a time with less distractions. Also because it's like tithing in that you are giving Him the first portion of your day. Yet I've heard others say it doesn't matter when you spend time with the Lord. Just as long as you're doing it. What He wants is your heart. I can see both sides of it. Certainly if a person feels the Lord wants them to spend their quiet time at a specific time they should do that, but I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to get legalistic about it either.

What do you think? When do you spend your quiet time with the Lord? Have you always done it that way or has it changed as your life has changed?

I think I've decided to shower in the morning (I'm used to showering at night) just before the kids get up and pray. That will also get them out of bed a little earlier to get ready for school. So they can be waking up but still not bother me because my husband is still home and able to help with the kids. I hope it will work. Still not sure when to read my bible...

I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks! 

Family Matters

In dealing with the passing of my grandma this week I learned some things about myself and my extended family. As a child and teen I took for granted that my grandmother would always be there. In my twenties I was just going about my own life. Now I wish I would have visted her more. Asked her more questions. I always said I would but it didn't happen much. By the time I tried to visit her a few years ago I realized she had a some dimentia and it was a little tricky carrying on a conversation with her. I remember I was glad I visited her but was sad to see her like that.

My grandma was a good woman. She complained very little. She never wanted to be a burden to anyone and it always blessed me to see her walk in the door for Christmas or baby showers...whatever the event, she was there. That's one of the parts I'll miss the most about her. She was there...just because she loved me. I never felt any judgement from her. I also loved the way she said my name. Just something about it was pure grandma. I'll miss that.

After the funeral I was concerned if I would see some of my relatives again. She held the family together. I was told a few times to take a good look at the funeral because some I may not see again. That didn't settle well with me. We are not a close family but in the last few years I've begun to appreciate family roots more. I'm wanting to get to know them better not say good-bye.

The night after my grandma had passed I lay awake for several hours in the middle of the night. All I could think about was my aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings and I wondered how many others couldn't sleep. It was neat that even though we aren't close I still felt some strand that connected us all. When we choose friends we usually pick people with the same values and interests. One of the great things about family is it forces you to love others that may not share your values or interest or season of life and love them for a lifetime. A family is brought together by certain common factors. It's up to us to build on those and let those relationships grow or not. God knows people need community. From the moment we're born God provided that for us in our family. He truly is a good God!

In my last post I questioned why some relationships don't stand strong. Try as you might, some relationships just don't stay strong. Circumstances, skeletons in the closet or personality differences get in the way. The only thing I can really do is love on those who will let me love on them. I can't force anyone to be my friend or enjoy being my relative but I will do my best to pour the love of Jesus on all God brings my way.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath...Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:18-19, 21   

Confused

“Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath.”

I know a man this year who passed away at age 50. It was so hard for me to believe he was gone it took me going to his funeral to realize this was real. I know of a man who passed away just this week, only 34 years old. He left behind a loving wife and two young children. My heart breaks for this family. 

My grandmother is in her late eighties. There were several times recently we thought we were going to lose her but she's a fighter. She's beaten cancer more then once (three times I think). Yet, she loves the Lord and is ready to go home now. 

Death is a strange thing. Who, but God, knows the number of our days? In the span of time we are just a mist in the wind. You never know who or when... So most come to the conclusion we should be sure to tell our family and friends how much we love them. I agree...but relationships are a strange thing too. 

I just studied about family relationships and am now studying about friends. I'm learning what the bible has to say about it. Some relationships it's easy to say how much you love them, others … are not so easy. Some relationships I've found aren't as deep as you hoped they were or maybe there is no relationship when I thought there was. What do I do about that? I know there's a time to fight for relationships and a time to let go... It's hard to let go. What if I don't want to let go? I'm feeling a loss for those relationships that could have been/could be so much more. Lord, show me if it's time to let go or not...show me what to do because I don't know. 

Good relationships take time to develop. I'm fine with putting in the time but friendship is also a two way street. I have to say I've been dealing with feeling rejection and hurt in seeing the state of these relationships tonight. Trying to figure out how to deal with it. I know everybody is here at some point in their life. Not a fun place to be. 

One thing I do know: Jesus calls me His friend. Jesus has included me in His family. I am worth it to Him. His love never fails. Only in Him do I find peace. Only in Him can I find answers.

I have to say I do have a friend who has been dear to me this past year. She loves the Lord and has a heart of gold. My dear friend, you are a jewel in the rough world. A breath of fresh air. Thank you for being who God has called you to be and allowing Him to chip away at you and form you into the woman He wants you to be. You are awesome.

I've just got to add this because God is so awesome. So I'm sitting here typing this blog. Pouring my aching heart out and a new song comes on the radio called “You Are Wanted”.  Oh my goodness, what a perfect song for me right now. Thank you God, I so needed to hear that. Like a kiss from heaven. 

Tool or Vice

Facebook is a great tool to stay in contact with people. Especially when they live far away. It's fun to look at pics. I especially love pics of little kids. From time to time though, I decide to stay away from fb to keep myself in check. It's not that I spend a lot of time on there but I'm checking my heart motives. A few days ago I stayed off the computer, not just fb. It's amazing how many times the thought floated through my head to check this or that on the computer. Not that any of that is bad but I had to ask myself if that was the best use of my time at that moment. I found most of the time I was going there out of habit. Often I was trying to fill a need of wanting to connect with someone old enough to drive. I know many stay-at-home moms feel that way.

It made me realize that some things that are great tools can become vices. A tool is something you use to help you get a job done. A vice is something that has a hold on you from getting things done. Almost anything can be a vice. I realized these last few months that food is also a vice for me from time to time. This is a strange problem for me. I've never had to to ask myself if I'm eating because I'm hungry and if so was I making the best food choices. It's amazing how much of a grip food can have on you.

When Jesus was in the desert being tempted, Satan used the Bible against Him. You normally wouldn't think of the bible as a vice but used incorrectly, as Satan tries to do with us, it can be used as something negative. The bible is definitely NOT bad. I love God's word. Nor is food bad. You can't give up food but you can retrain yourself to think of it correctly. Your attitude and heart motive is the difference between something being used to help you or be used against you.

Now when I go on facebook, or even my computer, I ask myself what's my motive. Am I using this as a tool to help me accomplish something or am I just wasting time that could be better spent doing something else. Asking God what His perspective is can help. God is good. He will show you have to have balance.    

Summer Lessons

It's been awhile since I've written on my blog. I've been relearning some lessons this summer...the hard way.

My husband and I started out the summer frustrated with our financial situation. We were watching our list of needs and wants grow with no idea when we would be able to check things off. It was a time of testing for our hearts. Were we going to be angry with God or trust Him in everything? We both came to trusting Him again. At the same time we've seen God perform money miracles with all my medical expenses though they came subtly and the worries of life could have easily drowned the miracles out. We did recognize God's hand moving. The main thing I learned going through all of this is, a lot of it is about perspective.

To seal this idea in my mind I believe God had me go through a fun object lesson with my daughter. My family and I were driving into Omaha and my 4 year old daughter says, “I have to go potty.” UGH...We were on a part of the road where there wasn't a bathroom for awhile. By the way she was squirming around in her car seat I knew she wasn't going to last long. We were just crossing the river and my husband and I both remembered a new little outhouse building that was built by the river not to long ago. We had to stop there. It was right off the road. As we were walking to the car from her new outhouse experience I took a moment and noticed the beauty of the river and the trees. It was so nice and peaceful there. Like I could sit and relax awhile. It wasn't far from the hustle and bustle of the busy highway. We could see the road from where we were. We drive that road every Sunday on our way to church. The river never looked quite this beautiful and inviting from the road. It was so interesting how a little change in perspective changed everything. It's the same way with our finances. We had to change the way we looked at it. Instead of focusing on what we didn't have, we now focus on how grateful we are for all we do have, both material and non material things. We (my husband and I) are thankful for our family, for our church (which is like family to us), for each other, and mostly to be able to serve our awesome Lord Jesus. As far as the rest, God takes care of us and we will trust Him to direct our paths and supply our needs.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

Something I've relearned is to not worry about what others say or do. It seems I've learned this, then a few months later I have to relearn it...then learn it again... Praise the Lord that He is patient with me.

It doesn't matter what someone says about me. What God says about me is what's true. Everyone else may have their opinions but only God's words are truth. Only His words should I take to heart. People's words can be toxic and deadly to us. Especially when I chew on it and stew on it and get angry... It can be all consuming and UGLY. If those words were not breathed through a heart of love I do not and should not allow them to plant seeds in my heart. God doesn't only tell us lovely words but also words of correction. When correction comes though, it is done in a life giving way. If what someone is saying to you doesn't match God's word, dismiss it and don't let it ruin your day or steal your joy.

I've learned that I need to evaluate what is best for my family and do that rather then being influenced by what other people are doing with their families. Only I understand what season(s) I'm in right not and how much I can handle. I need to remember that I need to only answer to Jesus for how I spend my time. Not anybody else. For myself, I've find simplicity is better. I've learned to go to the Lord and ask if I should spend my time in certain ways. Father knows best.

Along with that there have been times in my life when I've ached to be closer to certain people or groups of people and didn't understand why it wasn't happening. I've learned that the end result may not have been good or God wants to use me there but not yet. My usefulness may have been cut short if I jumped in with both feet now. Whatever the reason if the Holy Spirit isn't leading that way you don't go there. There is blessing where the Spirit leads. Otherwise you're using your own strength and that gets you nowhere but frustrated. God knows what He's doing.

An essential lesson I learned is I MUST spend quality time with Jesus every morning. The Christian walk is SO much more then being forgiven. It's dying to yourself daily, loving like Christ does and living like our servant King. I can't do that without spending time with Him. For me that means getting up about the time the sun does, so I can have time before everyone in my house wakes up. That's a hard thing for me to do every day. I usually do good for awhile then stop. I can't stop! I need Him every day, all day!

Lastly I've learned I can not become isolated.  That can be easy to do during the summer when bible studies and other groups I normally go to break for the summer.  It's also easy to get stuck in the demands of every day life with little ones.  However, though I need to get out I still need to keep my balance between busyness and being productive, between activity and worthwhile things.  Learning balances and boundaries are not always easy but good things to learn.

The Results are In

For the past nine months my husband and I have been trying to figure out what is going on with my health.  Finally, I think we have an answer.  This journey has given me a great deal of compassion and empathy with those who have to deal with a sickness for an extended period of time.  Some even for a lifetime.  If you are one of those people I have many times prayed for you as I walked down my own path.

Our answer came when I had to do three different breathe tests.  (That sounds easy but there was more to it then what you might think.)  One of those tests recreated all my symptoms.  I knew we were on to something.  I had to wait a few weeks to get the results.  I was going to wait til I had a chance to talk to my Dr. about it in three weeks but I've told a few people already so I figured I'd let you all know what's going on.  Plus I think this is something that others suffer with and maybe this could help. 

They discovered I am lactose intolerant but the main issue is my test came back positive for Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO).  We have bacteria in our large intestine but are not  supposed to have much in our small intestine.  SIBO feeds off of sugars and starches.  So any sugar or starches I eat it takes from me to feed itself and reproduces.  This has caused me to be malnourished and is why I was losing weight.  Going on a gluten-free diet caused the bacteria to have less to feed off of.  That's why I stopped losing weight and also why going gluten-free helped me but did not completely take care of all my symptoms.  I'm still eating corn, rice, sugar and other starches. 

The Dr. wants me to take some antibiotics for about two weeks however the antibiotics are very expensive and often times you need to take more then one round of them.  We don't have the money to do that but I learned through doing some research that you can starve the bacteria by changing your diet.  It's a strict change and takes 18 months to three years to starve them out.  As I was looking up what I could and could not eat it was very overwhelming to me.  I really need to talk to a dietician but for now I'm just going to stay with a gluten-free diet. 

I've been asked what causes this.  From what I can see it can be several different things.  People with certain illnesses are more susceptible to SIBO.  Celiac Disease is one of those that are more susceptible.  They have not been able to determine if I have Celiac Disease or not because I went on the gluten-free diet before they did any of the tests.  I didn't realize that would mess up the tests.  I was just anxious to get my symptoms to stop.  Also when a person has constipation it introduces bad bacteria.  When you have diarrhea it strips out the good bacteria.  So any sickness you get that causes those can set you up for this bacteria to start growing.  The nurse was telling me it's important to take probiotics to help get some balance back. 

SIBO is the main underlying cause for Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) but often goes undiagnosed.  If you suffer from IBS it may be worth it to see if SIBO is to blame.  You can get rid of it.  Ask your Dr. to get tested.  There is also a lot of great information on the internet about it.  I always check several different sources of information and try to make sure the sources are reliable.

I'm very thankful that we've found the source of the problem.  I still believe the Lord will heal me.  That could be divine healing or the use of doctors but whatever way He chooses I will give glory to Him.  He has walked with me through all of this and will never leave me.   It can be scary to know your body isn't functioning correctly but not know why.  It was scary to put on clothes that fit two weeks ago but now fall off of you.  I know that sounds great to some people but when it continuously happens and you know it's because something is not right in your body it's scary.  It's hard to have days you feel so sick but don't know why.  It's those moments I would strain to listen to the voice of truth.  Reading the Bible and listening for His voice puts me back on solid ground.  My quiet time has been invaluable to me.  Although I don't always get up when I should and sometimes don't get that time alone.  I always miss it when that happens.  Thank you Lord for standing with me.  For holding me up and reminding me you are with me.

My husband has also been awesome with all of this.  Some days I just didn't want to talk to any more Dr. offices and he would step in and talk to them for me.  He has done all the financial footwork which is an amazing story that's still being written.  My husband has also not let me ignore my symptoms and has helped me dig in further.  Thanks for watching out for me babe.  I don't think I would have gotten this far without him. 

I hope this has helped some people out and I will add to any information my Dr. gives me in a few weeks.

Praise the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all you diseases.                     Psalm 103:2-3      

                   

Hope

As my husband and I have been venturing through this season of life, it has left us feeling hopeless at times. For me personally I've even questioned God's love for me, which is pretty crazy because I know God loves me. God's love has been so transforming for me in the past that I've been a big advocate of it. Yet, we've gone through a time of wondering why God hasn't answered our prayers yet. (We've been praying for years for a specific thing.) It feels like recently God has been very silent with us. It's in those moments we would lose hope. Even though I know in my mind that the Lord loves me, my heart gets so downtrodden that I have a hard time believing His love.

All of this got me thinking about hope. I remember reading in the bible that God is a God of hope. I decided to dig further. The online bible study tool I use said there is over 300 references to hope but only 8 references for hopeless. This tells me God has a lot to say about hope.

But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24b-25

Hope for the Christian is not just wishful thinking. It's confident expectation. As Christians we have hope, or confident expectation, in things such as salvation through Christ (Eph. 4:4, Heb. 7:19), being with the Lord forever in future glory, Christ's 2^nd coming and the fulfillment of promises God has given us (like God's promise to Abraham for a son). Hope takes trust and faith in God.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we can not see. Hebrews 11:1 NLT

So what does this have to do with me questioning God's love for me? I really felt that these were tied together. Then I realized, when I feel loved by God I have faith and trust in God which also brings hope. The three are tied together. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:7,13 Our hope is based on God's love.

Recently my son was very unhappy because I gave him the choice between grapes or carrots for a snack and he wanted a popsicle or cookie. He had a snack but not what he wanted. The Lord showed me that I can be the same way and think that God doesn't love me that much because the answer to my prayer didn't look like I thought it would. Sometimes I don't even realize He answered my prayer because I was wanting a popsicle and God gave me carrots. I learned to open my eyes, stop limiting God and realize He loves me and knows what's in my best interest. If I don't open my eyes I may not see the beautiful miracles right before me.

Another time my four year old daughter was in tears because she got in trouble with her dad. I had to remind her that he still loves her but she needs to do what she's told. This made me think of when I mess up. I feel as if God loves me less but that's really not so. God loves me the same on good days and bad. He loves me the same this month as He did many years ago when He captivated my heart with His love and changed my life.

These simple lessons taught to me through my kids helped me remember God's unconditional, unchanging love for me. Then hope came flowing back over me. When I focus on the worries of life it chokes out hope and makes me unfruitful. I need to redirect my thinking back to things that are eternal. The things we see, the cares of our daily life are temporal. They are still important to God because He knows we need these things but they are temporal. To keep a proper perspective I need to focus a small amount of attention to things that are temporal and focus a large amount of attention to things that are eternal. That includes how much I think about them.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal. II Corinthians 4:18

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13