Confused

“Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath.”

I know a man this year who passed away at age 50. It was so hard for me to believe he was gone it took me going to his funeral to realize this was real. I know of a man who passed away just this week, only 34 years old. He left behind a loving wife and two young children. My heart breaks for this family. 

My grandmother is in her late eighties. There were several times recently we thought we were going to lose her but she's a fighter. She's beaten cancer more then once (three times I think). Yet, she loves the Lord and is ready to go home now. 

Death is a strange thing. Who, but God, knows the number of our days? In the span of time we are just a mist in the wind. You never know who or when... So most come to the conclusion we should be sure to tell our family and friends how much we love them. I agree...but relationships are a strange thing too. 

I just studied about family relationships and am now studying about friends. I'm learning what the bible has to say about it. Some relationships it's easy to say how much you love them, others … are not so easy. Some relationships I've found aren't as deep as you hoped they were or maybe there is no relationship when I thought there was. What do I do about that? I know there's a time to fight for relationships and a time to let go... It's hard to let go. What if I don't want to let go? I'm feeling a loss for those relationships that could have been/could be so much more. Lord, show me if it's time to let go or not...show me what to do because I don't know. 

Good relationships take time to develop. I'm fine with putting in the time but friendship is also a two way street. I have to say I've been dealing with feeling rejection and hurt in seeing the state of these relationships tonight. Trying to figure out how to deal with it. I know everybody is here at some point in their life. Not a fun place to be. 

One thing I do know: Jesus calls me His friend. Jesus has included me in His family. I am worth it to Him. His love never fails. Only in Him do I find peace. Only in Him can I find answers.

I have to say I do have a friend who has been dear to me this past year. She loves the Lord and has a heart of gold. My dear friend, you are a jewel in the rough world. A breath of fresh air. Thank you for being who God has called you to be and allowing Him to chip away at you and form you into the woman He wants you to be. You are awesome.

I've just got to add this because God is so awesome. So I'm sitting here typing this blog. Pouring my aching heart out and a new song comes on the radio called “You Are Wanted”.  Oh my goodness, what a perfect song for me right now. Thank you God, I so needed to hear that. Like a kiss from heaven.