Regret

I have done plenty of things in my life that I regret. Lately Satan has highlighted several bad choices I made nearly 20 years ago and keeps throwing them back in my face. How different would my life be had I made better choices? I should have known better. What was I thinking? His accusations of me have been effective.

Regret leads nowhere good. Regret turns to jealousy, turns to bitterness and anger, turns to resentment and to feeling unworthy and depressed.

Regret is not of God. We've all made mistakes we need to be redeemed from but Jesus paid the price for us and forgives us when we ask. 

Personally, I have a hard time forgiving myself. Especially when I know I knew better. It's a trap from the devil really. He promotes you to sin, then when you do he won't let you forget it.

If you're a child of God you can forget it because Jesus has already forgotten your mistake when you asked for forgiveness. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

So child of God, regret not more! You're a child of the One true King.

Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget
Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief
These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life
What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King
~ Matthew West, Hello My Name Is

Focus on His purposes for you. On His plan for your life. God is good!

I will not be chained down by regret. I have been redeemed and set free of the way I used to live. I am not a victim to it anymore. Now that I am free I will live my life according to God's will and will live out His plan for my life. No longer a victim I will shout the praises of God from the mountain tops, to the hillside and yes, even in the valleys of my life.

I have been set free.

I have been made clean.
Jump and shout for joy!
I am no longer a slave.
I am free!

So if the Son sets you free you are free indeed. 
John 8:36

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 23:6

To be beautiful

I prayed a few days ago that the Lord would keep me humble.  He certainly answered quickly. 

Yesterday my pastor posted an article on Facebook from Christianity Today about Angelina Jolie's decision to get a mastectomy because of her high risk of getting breast cancer.  It talked about how women find our identities and our worth in our external appearances, like "the length of our hair, the size of our jeans or the label on our handbag". (quote from Christianity Today)  We hold on to things that we think make us attractive.  In reality it becomes a trap for us.  These things are just superficial beauty.  Who we are to God and who we are inside is what makes us beautiful. 

As I began to digest what the author was saying I looked into myself and saw that I do that.  All that evening the Lord was showing me when I did little things that showed this fleshy side of me.  I saw how I do want to look beautiful to others.  I don't flaunt around or try to get people to notice me but I want to be beautiful...as if I have more value that way. 

I don't think it's wrong to want to look nice.  I see my four year old daughter saying, "Daddy, do I look pretty?"  As she twists and twirls and gives her daddy the prettiest smile.  It's like it's knitted into our being.  No, looking nice is fine.  Where it gets dangerous is when we scale our value from how beautiful we think we are or if others find us beautiful.  Yes, wanting to look pretty is knitted in us but so is our flesh nature.  That's something we must keep in check.  Something I know I need to keep in check because without thinking about it a little part of me thinks that the better I look the more worthy I am.  In our society women get this message at a young age.  It's everywhere.  I especially noticed it when people started saying how I looked really good after I started losing weight.  People said it so much I wanted to scream.  I was losing weight because there is something wrong with my body.  Is that attractive?  I understand where they were coming from but ladies we've been fed a lie.  Our lives don't get better because our jean size is smaller.  Trust me.  We are still the same people living the same lives.  Our lives DO get better when we have peace because we realize how beautiful we are to God.

So in the midst of this I'm seeing my flesh and how many times I primp just a bit or think I need to get my eyebrows waxed, etc...  Now I'm getting disgusted and broken because I see all the flesh I have on me and it's ugly!!!  The ways of the flesh truly are ugly.  Yet through all this the Lord tells me He still loves me.  He has an undying love for me and He always will.  He sees all the ugliness on me better then anyone and yet holds me dear.  Humbling indeed.  There is absolutely nothing good in me on my own.  If you see any goodness on me it's because of Christ.  Left on my own I am truly ugly.

You should clothe yourselves with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.  I Peter 3:4

       

 

A Happy Mother

I feel so privileged to be called mom.  In the business of raising four kids it's easy to take being a mom for granted.  Today I was recalling how gracious the Lord has been to me as a mother.  My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and was very hard on me.  Then I was blessed with my oldest daughter.  A couple years later her father and I divorced.  I was raised not to divorce and that if you did you never thought about getting remarried again.  I guess I thought I would get zapped with a pillar of fire or something.  So I never thought I'd have more then my daughter. 

The Lord was gracious to me and gave me a second chance at marriage and having my own family.  He gave me a wonderful man who loves Christ.  With that blessing the hope of more children.  My next pregnancy (this would be my 3rd pregnancy) also ended in miscarriage. 

A few months later I became pregnant again.  Then I started having problems and thought I was losing this one too.  I went to the ER with mixed emotions.  I was angry and scared.   I had my husband call the prayer chain at church and prayers began for me.  The ER did an ultrasound on me and not to far into it they turned the monitor my direction so I could see the baby.  There was my peanut with his little heart beating steady, completely unaware of the chaos outside his little world.  The ER Dr. gave me some progesterone and it worked for me.  That is how my oldest son came in the world.  God has a special destiny for that little man!  

My 5th pregnancy also ended as a miscarriage but only a few months later I became pregnant again.  Pregnancy 6 I had another beautiful little girl.  I had to give her the middle name of Joy because of the joy her dad and I have to have her. 

Pregnancy #7 I was scared and really had to lean on God.  After all my pattern was to miscarry every other.  My mind became a battlefield as I would hear the enemy dart fear at me daily.  Yet my faithful Lord would remind me He is in control and that is NOT the destiny He has for this child!  I did a lot of leaning on God and my faith grew as did my pregnant body :)  We were blessed with a beautiful baby boy and I will always treasure the promises God has given me for this child.

Through this whole process of losing and having children I've learned to treasure each of the children I hold even more.  It taught me what a gift children are.  It also taught me that no matter how the situation turns out, God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  That I can always lean on Him.  He will always be there to comfort me, to guide me and give me the strength I need for each new day.  That God loves me always and not to judge how much God loves us on our circumstances but to rely on faith that God's love is always there for me. 

I am thankful for the four I hold and comforted at knowing Jesus is holding my other three and when I get to heaven, I'll have three precious children greeting me. 

He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother.  Praise the LORD!  Psalm 113:9

Good News

Many of you know I've been losing weight unintentionally.  In the fall I started to keep track of my weight loss.  I was hoping to see a pattern or some clue to help me figure out what is going on.  I realized about a week ago that I've been writing the same number for awhile. Looking back into the log I noticed I've finally stopped losing weight and have leveled out.  For about a month now I've  weighed pretty much the same.  Praise the Lord!  This is an answer to prayer. 

I still have some other things that need looking into.  I have a scope scheduled to look at my upper GI in a few weeks.  I would appreciate prayers on that.  I'm a little nervous.  However my weight stabling is a huge step in the right direction.

I'm looking forward to start exercising and getting healthy.  I want to be stronger and have more energy.  I want to be able to do anything God calls me to do.  I also want to be a good example for my children. 

God has really been taking care of me and helping me through everything.  I feel such peace knowing my Heavenly Father has been walking ahead of me.  A few of you have been asking how I've been so I wanted to post this so we could all rejoice together.