The love and faith of a child

Last night I came home from MOPS and the kids were in their jammies, about to go to bed.  I got to the middle of the room before one of the kids saw me and announced to the others, "Mommy's home!"  At the same time all four said, "Mommy!" and ran towards me and gave me a big hug.  Here I was in the middle of this big hug with a child in front, behind, one to the left and the right.  I felt so loved.  My heart melted. 

These kiddos know me very well.  They see me when I get angry and when I'm forgetful.  They know I don't keep my house in perfect order and they don't care.  They know I love them and take care them. Children love so unconditionally.  I want to love like that! 


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The other day I was explaining to my kids why we have Thanksgiving.  Then I asked each of them to tell me something they are thankful for. When we got to my 5yr old son he said, "I'm thankful that you are going to get better because I prayed about that in my bed."  He was referring to a cold I've had for weeks that he's heard my husband praying about.  I was so proud and a little surprised at how confident he was that this was a matter-of-fact.  I could see the absolute faith of this child.  Not a shadow of doubt in him.  I then remember what Jesus said about recieving the kingdom of God like a child. (Matthew 10:14-15)  That's mountain moving faith.  May my children always have that kind of faith.        

God provides

Since I've been losing weight lately my clothes are big on me. We don't have money to buy new clothes so I use belts to keep my pants on. I prayed for clothes but felt a little silly because I feel like I have so much, how could I ask for more.

About a month ago my sister noticed how lose my clothes were. She thought she had some clothes that might fit so she sent me a box a few days ago. I tried them on and most of them fit nicely. Then I remembered my sister-in-law gave me some clothes almost a year ago. She is a small, petite lady so when I looked at the sizes I just laughed and said I'll NEVER fit into that but they were good quality clothes, so I decided to keep them for my oldest daughter to grow into in a few years. I pulled the two boxes of clothes out of the closet and tried them on. At least half of them fit me. I was happy to have clothes.  God knew almost a year ago I would need these clothes and sent them my way. It's so awesome how He provides our every need, sometimes before we know we need it.

There are so many times He's provided for Marc and I and we stood amazed.  This house is one of them and I can't tell you how many Christmas' He's provided presents for us or how many times we've recieved food or school supplies from generous people.  I'm also thankful He's provided friends and family members who are there to pray for us or just chat with when we need.  You all mean so much to me.  One of my love languages is quality time so when people take the time to tell me they care or hang out with me, it means so much.  Thanks to all of you who have, are and will. 

Oh how generous and gracious our Lord was!  He filled me with the faith and love that comes from Christ Jesus.  I Timothy 1:14

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we all ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.  Ephesians 3:20-21

Weight loss

Well, there goes another pound.  Most people would say, "Good job"  "That's great."  Not this time.  I've been losing weight for the last year and don't know why.  Only within the last few weeks did I realize it was a problem.  I knew I was losing weight but just laughed it off.  Most people would love to have my "problem".  A few weeks ago it's like God started tapping me on the shoulder to look into this.  Up til that point it never dawned on me this could be a health issue.  I went to the Dr. last week and he ran some blood tests, all of which came back fine.  We sent two more tests in today.  When you look at all the things it could be it can be daunting...downright scary. 

In late October I went to women's retreat with some ladies from church.  The presence of the Lord was awesome!  One thing He kept telling me is, "There is no where you can go where I will not be."  That reminder brings me comfort cause honestly, I've been scared several times the last few weeks.  At times I just wanted to call someone and say,"I'm scared.  Help!"  I've wanted someone to take me by the hand and assure me they are there. 

My husband has been awesome.  He's been there for me many times.  Sometimes just a hug, other times he's been on the phone with medical personal and digging into things.  There's been several at my church who've showed concern and are praying.  Thank you so much!  It means alot to me to know you care. 

Now this could be as little as stress or it could be something bigger.  The unknown is hard.  If I knew what it was I could deal with it but not knowing is hard.  My comfort comes in knowing God is with me, He'll never forsake me.  He's my Great Physician and knows exactly what's going on.  He is my Healer.  My help, my peace, my strength, the solid rock on which I stand.  This may feel bigger then me but my God is WAY bigger then this.  He is everything...everything I need.  Trouble comes when I take my eyes off of Him for even a moment.  I won't superspiritualize it.  That doesn't mean I don't get scared.  I do and I think that's normal and okay.  As long as I'm not doubting who God is. 

A few days ago I weighed myself and was so excited because I gained two pounds.  Then I lost one of those pounds.  Just now I weighed myself again and not only lost the other pound but an additional one as well.  That means this is the lightest I've been.  I weigh less then I did in high school.  I've lost 27lbs this year and don't know why.  All prayer warriors and friends please pray!  #1 Pray I find answers.  We've found many things it's not and praise the Lord for that.  I would like to know what it is and how to fix it.  #2 Pray for healing. I know God heals.  Now is not a time to debate on healing.  Now is a time to know people care and to pray. I believe God has given man the wisdom about the body we know as medical science and I believe sometimes He uses that to heal.  I will not limit what God can do or how He does it.  #3 Pray also for peace of mind on my husband and I and that we keep our eyes focused on God and not the situation.  Thank you all so much for praying.  It means so much.    

Expectations

As a child, teenager and young adult we have dreams and desires for our life. As time grows closer for those things to happen our excitement wells. Some things I hoped to encounter in my life were/are a loving joyful marriage, going to college, being a mother, owning my own home, financial stability. Some of these things have happened, some haven't. Some have happened only after serious bumps in the road. What do we do in those times when it looks like our dreams are far off or seem impossible? What do we do when what really happens, is a far cry of our expectations?

I am all too familiar with expectations falling short as I'm sure many of you are as well. As for my list above: I got married young but it didn't work out. We owned a home but filed bankruptcy at the time of our divorce. I've had three miscarriages. When I started out homeschooling I had very different thoughts of what I thought should happen then I do now. Same with becoming a mother. It's not like I expected it to be. It's much harder … and so much greater at the same time.

Expectations aren't just for the big things in life but the little things as well. Many of us get up in the morning and expect our day to go in a certain way. We have a schedule or order to follow. A flow we go with. We have expectations with people we come in contact with. We want our kids to listen to us, our spouse to love and support us and our friends to be there for us. These aren't bad or wrong things to expect but I've noticed that when things don't go as I hoped, especially with loved ones or people I respect, it throws me for a loop. Even these seemingly simple expectations can throw us off when they don't go according to our plan. I get angry, grumbly, down right unpleasant to be around. Sometimes even synicial, sarcastic. Hurt or weepy.

I remember a few years ago a lady in my church was going through a difficult time. The Lord prompted me to share with her a promise the He had for her. I wasn't very close to her so I thought, “I don't think so. She'll think I'm crazy.” Still I felt the Lord prompting me. As opportunity was growing closer my heart was beating faster til I felt like it would beat out of my chest. So... I stepped out in faith and trusted that this is what God was telling me to do. I went up to her and shared with her what the Lord told me. She smiled at me but I could tell wasn't genuine. As she began speaking I could tell she didn't believe me and wasn't accepting what I was telling her. In the short version she was thankful I was trying to encourage her but hasn't seen any of God's promises come true for her, only the opposite. I stood there not sure how to handle the situation. Afterward I asked the Lord what happened? I did what I was told. Why the negative response? The Lord showed me that it was only my job to do what I was told. I'm not responsible for the way she responds. The Lord still delighted in my obedience and faith.

I saw a quote once that said, “Expectations are the root of pain.” When our expectations are not meet there often is pain. We must release our hurt and our expectations to the Lord and allow Him to interrupt our daily lives in whatever fashion He sees fit. Sometimes our dashed hopes or dreams are a result of our sin or someone else's sin having it's effect on us. Other times the Lord asks us to sacrifice a dream we've held on to for so long. Just like Abraham being willing to sacrifice his only son. That was the promise him as Sarah had been waiting for. Their miracle. Their promise that would fulfill all the other promises God gave them. Yet he was obedient and trusted God had a plan. God may be asking us to sacrifice some of our dreams. It's so hard to let go BUT when we do He replaces that dream with plans of His own. Plans that ALWAYS give Him glory and He will do all of this through you, if you'll let Him. We usually can't see what His plans are when He's asking us to give Him everything but I will tell you His plan is bigger and better then ours. The joy and peace and amazing sense of purpose you get when you walk down His path is far greater then anything you expected of your dream. After all, it's not about us anyway.

As for the list of dreams I started out with, I told you some that didn't get fulfilled but here's the rest of the story. He has now given a wonderful marriage with the best guy ever! I have four beautiful children and am blessed to be able to stay home with them and raise them in the ways of the Lord. Through an amazing miracle from God we own our home. I still want to go to college and have pursued it several times but always come to a wall that stops me. I was getting very frustrated a few months ago but the Lord is showing me to stay content. He has plans for me, I've not been forgotten. It's all in His timing. When I look back on all the things He's done for me I know that is true.