I still love you

     One of the things I hate the most is to miss out on an opportunity to minister to someone for the Lord.  Time is short and the world is in desperate need of the Father's love.  I never want to miss an opportunity.  Today I feel like I did that.  I think I missed a big opportunity this weekend to be a light for the Lord.  When I realized this I immediately felt guilty.  I began getting plagued with thoughts of being worthless and really not cut out for the work God has given me for His glory.  To influence and be an example of the love God has to the people my life touches.  Before I knew it I was angry.  I began to dig deeper into my heart to see what was spurning all this on.  The emotions happened so fast I wasn't able to figure it out til I took a minute to evaluate my heart.  When I realized I was angry because I thought I missed an opportunity I felt the still quite voice of the Lord say, "I still love you."  He was telling me He loved me but He was also reminding me of a story I wrote about my son when he was three.  I found it a few weeks back in my computer files.  Here it is:

         

     Last week my 3yr old son was wanting something I told him he couldn't have. He was mad at me and started throwing a fit. I told him if he was going to act that way he needed to go to the corner. This upset him even more and he ran off to his room crying and throwing a bigger fit. I followed behind him, picked him up and started to carry him to the corner. Part of the way there he was able to wiggle himself loose.  He was sitting at my feet and said, “I'm mad at you!” I was a little shocked because this was the first time he verbalized his anger with me. I said calmly, “That's okay. You can be mad at me. Go to the corner.” He unhappily made his way to the corner but didn't get all the way there. He was whining as he was on his knees with his face to the floor in complete defiance of what I was telling him to do. He said again, “I'm mad at you!” I said,”That's okay, you can be mad at me.” I waited for awhile then I called him by name and said, "you can be mad at me but I still love you.”

At that moment I thought of how Father God must feel sometimes when we are throwing a fit because we don't get what we want. We pout and whine and intentionally don't do what we know we're supposed to because we're mad at God. All the while Father God stands there calmly. Looking down at us lovingly as we are throwing our fit. Yet, He stands firm on what He expects of us. Finally He says, “You can be mad at me, but I still love you.”

It was less then a minute later my son calmed down. He was still in a ball at my feet but quiet. I said, "Are you done now?” still keeping a calm and loving composure. He said “Yeah.”

“You need to go to the corner.”

He got up and went to the corner. When he got done I sat him on my lap and talked to him. The fact that I loved him reguardless of how he felt about me seemed to be calming and a sense of security for him. How much more true is that of our Abba Father? We can be assured that we are always loved by Him. He still expects us to do what He asks but we will never loose His love.

Although I was not being defiant like my son was in this story, I still felt like I blew it.  There's a place I probably should have been and I decided not to go which resulted in me missing out on some opportunities to minister for the Lord.  I was beating myself up and for some reason thought God was too.  When in reality, the enemy was lying to me by telling me I'm worthless and should give up.  When the Lord whispered "I still love you" in my heart He was reminding me that even though I may have messed up that doesn't change the plans He has for me.  He offers me grace and took me by the hand and pulled me back to my feet again.  His plans for me are still the same.  Dust yourself off and go back to what you've been doing.  God still loves me and that makes ALL the difference in the world.