I still love you

     One of the things I hate the most is to miss out on an opportunity to minister to someone for the Lord.  Time is short and the world is in desperate need of the Father's love.  I never want to miss an opportunity.  Today I feel like I did that.  I think I missed a big opportunity this weekend to be a light for the Lord.  When I realized this I immediately felt guilty.  I began getting plagued with thoughts of being worthless and really not cut out for the work God has given me for His glory.  To influence and be an example of the love God has to the people my life touches.  Before I knew it I was angry.  I began to dig deeper into my heart to see what was spurning all this on.  The emotions happened so fast I wasn't able to figure it out til I took a minute to evaluate my heart.  When I realized I was angry because I thought I missed an opportunity I felt the still quite voice of the Lord say, "I still love you."  He was telling me He loved me but He was also reminding me of a story I wrote about my son when he was three.  I found it a few weeks back in my computer files.  Here it is:

         

     Last week my 3yr old son was wanting something I told him he couldn't have. He was mad at me and started throwing a fit. I told him if he was going to act that way he needed to go to the corner. This upset him even more and he ran off to his room crying and throwing a bigger fit. I followed behind him, picked him up and started to carry him to the corner. Part of the way there he was able to wiggle himself loose.  He was sitting at my feet and said, “I'm mad at you!” I was a little shocked because this was the first time he verbalized his anger with me. I said calmly, “That's okay. You can be mad at me. Go to the corner.” He unhappily made his way to the corner but didn't get all the way there. He was whining as he was on his knees with his face to the floor in complete defiance of what I was telling him to do. He said again, “I'm mad at you!” I said,”That's okay, you can be mad at me.” I waited for awhile then I called him by name and said, "you can be mad at me but I still love you.”

At that moment I thought of how Father God must feel sometimes when we are throwing a fit because we don't get what we want. We pout and whine and intentionally don't do what we know we're supposed to because we're mad at God. All the while Father God stands there calmly. Looking down at us lovingly as we are throwing our fit. Yet, He stands firm on what He expects of us. Finally He says, “You can be mad at me, but I still love you.”

It was less then a minute later my son calmed down. He was still in a ball at my feet but quiet. I said, "Are you done now?” still keeping a calm and loving composure. He said “Yeah.”

“You need to go to the corner.”

He got up and went to the corner. When he got done I sat him on my lap and talked to him. The fact that I loved him reguardless of how he felt about me seemed to be calming and a sense of security for him. How much more true is that of our Abba Father? We can be assured that we are always loved by Him. He still expects us to do what He asks but we will never loose His love.

Although I was not being defiant like my son was in this story, I still felt like I blew it.  There's a place I probably should have been and I decided not to go which resulted in me missing out on some opportunities to minister for the Lord.  I was beating myself up and for some reason thought God was too.  When in reality, the enemy was lying to me by telling me I'm worthless and should give up.  When the Lord whispered "I still love you" in my heart He was reminding me that even though I may have messed up that doesn't change the plans He has for me.  He offers me grace and took me by the hand and pulled me back to my feet again.  His plans for me are still the same.  Dust yourself off and go back to what you've been doing.  God still loves me and that makes ALL the difference in the world.  

Making the best of it

I've decided to make the best of things.  We don't have much money and there's rarely anything left after bills are paid and food is bought.  However, I can still make the best of things.  I can beautify our home with the things we already have.  Some things will take creativity (and pinterest) to come up with but it can be done.  I don't have to wait with a woe-is-me attitude.  I've got things at my fingertips I can use.  I really love when you can take something you would throw away and make it beautiful.  That's what God did for me after all.  He made me beautiful when I wanted to give up on myself because all I saw looked worthless to me.  All I saw was a mess.  But God already had a picture of how beautiful I would become with a touch from the Master's hand. 

My heart is so thankful for all I have.  Physically; my healthy able body, my family, staying home with my children, my home, materials to make and improve things, and a creative mind to design with.  I'm also thankful for all He's given me spiritually; redemption, restoration, peace, joy, and my latest gift, calmness of spirit.  These are the true riches in life. When I discovered that statistically speaking we are among the poor it took me awhile before I realized it was true.  If I'm so poor why do I feel so rich?  If statics say I have so little, why do I feel so full and blessed beyond measure?  Why, because my God doesn't care about statistics.  My God is greater then anything in the universe and the gifts He gives are better than anything on the planet.  Our scales of measuring are wrong.  Just because someone is "poor" doesn't mean their life is downcast or empty.  Your income bracket doesn't measure how smart you are.  In the case of my family, we made a choice to have me stay home with the kids to raise them set apart for the Lord and school them with God in the center of their education.  Though we have to give up some material possessions, the rewards and treasures in these children far outweigh anything we may be without.  God is faithful to meet our material needs. 

So my attitude has changed to thankfulness and making the best of what I have.  Just in time to because the onslaught of materialism is on its way.  It comes with the Christmas season.  If you struggle with not being able to get things for people that you want to, take an inventory of the heart and see if their isn't a greater gift you can give them.  Personally, I enjoy spending time with my friends.  Time is something people give sparingly.  Maybe an extra dose of love.  More hugs ( I love those too) may carry them further then the gift you would have bought.  Let's keep our focus where it should be.  On God and our family and friends.       

My Rose bushes

As of this summer my family and I have lived in our home for a year. We enjoy having our own home. We love the space and we love that we have a yard. I've been enjoying getting outside and learning how to garden flowers. There are two rose bushes on the side of the house that were flowering when we moved in last summer. I knew they hadn't been tended to in at least two or more years so I figured they must be a pretty hearty breed of roses. That gave me a little more confidence that I probably wouldn't kill them if I started learning how to garden on them. I read up on roses and watched some gardening shows but I'm still not sure I'm tending to them correctly. If anyone knows how to manage these hearty but beautiful flowers I'd love some tips.

Another thing growing when we moved in was a vine that was up the side of the house and covered one whole corner. There's no flowers, just a vine that grew out of neglect to the home. When we moved in we tore the vine off the house and thought we killed the root. However I'm noticing there's a vine weaving around my rose bush. I tried to pull out the root to the vine and carefully untangle the two plants but if I don't watch it, it's not long before there's another vine trying to wrap around my roses again.

It made me think of how fear can creep into my life. If I'm not watching for it, fear will ever so slyly weave all around and try to choke off the beauty of God's grace shining through me. Fear comes in so many forms that, like that vine, it can be there and we don't even realize it. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of man, fear of not having enough money or food, fear of illness, injury and sometimes even death. For ourselves or of a loved one. There are SO many fears out there. Just think of all those phobias you hear about. Some of them are of pretty strange things. The bible shows us the only fear we should have is the fear or reverence and awe of God. To fear God is wise.

The fear of the LORD is the foundation of true wisdom. All who obey His commandments will grow in wisdom. Praise him forever!

Psalm 111:10

Any other fear is NOT from God.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. II Timothy 1:7

For you have not received a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry,”Abba, Father”

Romans 8:15

I often use biblos.com as an online resource to help me look things up in the bible. When I type in “fear not” I get 446 verses that say fear not. That doesn't even include the don't be afraid's and other ways the Lord tells us not to fear. Fear is NOT of God.

I was thinking the other day of the very famous 23^rd Psalm. Verse 4 keep running through my head, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” I will fear no evil...NO EVIL. Wow! Really, when you think about it, that's strong trust in God. There is so much evil going on in the world. Turn on the news and you'll see that it's true. Local or national, it doesn't matter. It's everywhere and the closer you walk with God the more you recognize it. The only way we will fear no evil is to trust God in all things. Trust He's knows what He's doing. Trust that He is in control. Trust that He will fulfill the promise that says all things work together for good for those who love God. (Romans 8:28)

As for fear, let it have no power over you. We know that fear does not come from God. It comes from the devil and the world and we know Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33) therefore, if you have been redeemed through the blood of Jesus fear has NO power over you. Cut down that vine at the root. Pull it out and don't let fear steal the beauty God has put in you. Instead be a beautiful fragrance to the Lord as you diligently tend the garden of your heart.

Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered Himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Ephesians 5:2

Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually. I Chronicles 16:11

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble . But take heart! I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

Let's get Cookin'

Those of you who know me know I've never been big on cooking. I didn't know how to cook and it really kind of freaked me out. I cooked meals from boxes and was really good at throwing a frozen pizza in the oven. When I would rarely get brave enough to try and cook, I usually ruined it and would not try again for months. This did not give my family and I much variety in our diet and quiet frankly was not healthy for us. I've had stomach problems since I was a kid and it was just hurting more and more. I prayed for my stomach problems to go away. I knew I needed to get to the root of the problem and eat healthy. Believe it or not I also prayed I would learn how to cook. As a wife and a mother I felt so insufficient. I felt stupid and hated I didn't know how to cook.

Finally, this summer I had enough. The final straw is I was tired of my stomach constantly hurting and my children started having the same stomach issues. I KNEW I needed to get us all eating healthy so…I just started. With the help of a wonderful friend who gave me a great cookbook I opened it up and started picking out recipes. It used to intimidate me to go to the store and try and figure out where all the ingredients were. It was so foreign to me but I started doing it and it felt GREAT. My family are now eating fresh vegetables and meat. My husband joked the first few weeks when we would go to the grocery store because of all the fresh veggies in our cart. "What's that doing in there? Is this our cart?" I've gotten such a collection of spices I need a spice rack or a better way of organizing them. I've also noticed eating healthy has less packaging which makes less trash. As for the ultimate goal…my stomach is hurting less. Much less! It only hurts again if I eat to much processed foods. (I do love those sweets!) My husband is loving this change too. After being married seven years he finally has a wife that cooks real food. Now I can pass down to my children how to cook. This may sound silly and like a small thing but it was a huge obstacle for me to overcome. I'm so glad no prayer or problem is to small or silly for God.