My Beautiful Mess

A beautiful mess. That's the theme this year for MOPS. Beautiful and mess. Those are two words I never thought I'd put together. Yet there they were, starring at me. I pondered on it awhile and it's so true.

With four kids I certainly have plenty of messes around the house. You can almost always count on finding a mess in my son's room. No matter how many times I have him clean it, it seems to be a mess again in ten minutes. Under the dining room table is another place that I can't keep clean. I sweep. Somehow food just shows up. There's piles of laundry, loads of dishes and no matter how hard I try those videos don't stay alphabetized. Yet, there is beauty in it. We have clothes to wear, food to eat, silly shows to keep us entertained and I have children. I am so blessed to have children. 

It really used to bother me that my house wasn't in perfect order. I tried to keep it that way, but realized I was spending every moment of the day cleaning and I became a grump. That's not the kind of mom I wanted to be. The height of it came after the birth of my third child. I was trying to keep the house in perfect order, have dinner ready every day when my husband came home, have the children perfectly obedient and do a great job homeschooling. Needless to say, I was filled with anxiety, depressed and constantly felt like a failure. After a few talks with my Pastor I realized I have a perfectionist personality. I had to take a hard look into my heart and realize what was and wasn't important. My relationship with my husband and children far outweighed an orderly home. Also being an example of balance for my children is important to me. They need to learn cleanliness and order but there must be time for play. I may have to force myself to look past the glitter on the table, the floor and in my child's hair and remind myself what's important is creating, learning and loving life together. I believe God wants us to enjoy the life He's given us.

It doesn't just stop with the order of our house though. It goes into the order of our lives. Sometimes mine feels like a mess to me. Maybe not a complete mess but certainly not as orderly and tidy as I want it to look and let's not look at my past because...well...oh my...not neat and tidy for sure!  For starters I've been divorced and everyone knows that's a no-no for a Christian. I often felt like there's a red letter D stamped on my forehead. Yet I can tell you God has taken my “mess” and made it beautiful. Praise God for His amazing grace! Out of His mercy He takes our banged up and broken lives and turns them into something beautiful. 

God isn't afraid of our messes. Jesus wasn't concerned about the tomb stinking when He raised Lazarus from the dead (John 11:38-44). He wasn't concerned about the plotting that was going on around Him before He was crucified. He knew all these things would be made beautiful and God would be glorified. It seems the more impossible the situation the more beautiful His light shines through.

A beautiful mess. After pondering on those words I say them and smile. I smile because God has blessed me with a husband and children. I smile because I know how awesome God is. I smile, with a sigh of relief, because I'm letting go of perfection and letting God turn my mess into His something beautiful.