My Beautiful Mess

A beautiful mess. That's the theme this year for MOPS. Beautiful and mess. Those are two words I never thought I'd put together. Yet there they were, starring at me. I pondered on it awhile and it's so true.

With four kids I certainly have plenty of messes around the house. You can almost always count on finding a mess in my son's room. No matter how many times I have him clean it, it seems to be a mess again in ten minutes. Under the dining room table is another place that I can't keep clean. I sweep. Somehow food just shows up. There's piles of laundry, loads of dishes and no matter how hard I try those videos don't stay alphabetized. Yet, there is beauty in it. We have clothes to wear, food to eat, silly shows to keep us entertained and I have children. I am so blessed to have children. 

It really used to bother me that my house wasn't in perfect order. I tried to keep it that way, but realized I was spending every moment of the day cleaning and I became a grump. That's not the kind of mom I wanted to be. The height of it came after the birth of my third child. I was trying to keep the house in perfect order, have dinner ready every day when my husband came home, have the children perfectly obedient and do a great job homeschooling. Needless to say, I was filled with anxiety, depressed and constantly felt like a failure. After a few talks with my Pastor I realized I have a perfectionist personality. I had to take a hard look into my heart and realize what was and wasn't important. My relationship with my husband and children far outweighed an orderly home. Also being an example of balance for my children is important to me. They need to learn cleanliness and order but there must be time for play. I may have to force myself to look past the glitter on the table, the floor and in my child's hair and remind myself what's important is creating, learning and loving life together. I believe God wants us to enjoy the life He's given us.

It doesn't just stop with the order of our house though. It goes into the order of our lives. Sometimes mine feels like a mess to me. Maybe not a complete mess but certainly not as orderly and tidy as I want it to look and let's not look at my past because...well...oh my...not neat and tidy for sure!  For starters I've been divorced and everyone knows that's a no-no for a Christian. I often felt like there's a red letter D stamped on my forehead. Yet I can tell you God has taken my “mess” and made it beautiful. Praise God for His amazing grace! Out of His mercy He takes our banged up and broken lives and turns them into something beautiful. 

God isn't afraid of our messes. Jesus wasn't concerned about the tomb stinking when He raised Lazarus from the dead (John 11:38-44). He wasn't concerned about the plotting that was going on around Him before He was crucified. He knew all these things would be made beautiful and God would be glorified. It seems the more impossible the situation the more beautiful His light shines through.

A beautiful mess. After pondering on those words I say them and smile. I smile because God has blessed me with a husband and children. I smile because I know how awesome God is. I smile, with a sigh of relief, because I'm letting go of perfection and letting God turn my mess into His something beautiful.   

Fall Schedule

 

My son is a first grader and learning about seasons in science.  He was learning how the animals are very busy during the fall to prepare for winter.  It reminded me of how many of us are busy in the fall with our new fall schedules.  There are opportunities to do so many things, but each thing is a commitment of time and all of us have only so many slots of time available to us.

My kids have chores they are expected to do every day.  When they complete their chores they are given rewards.  One of those rewards is a ticket.  I have prizes in boxes.  There is a one ticket prize box, a two ticket prize box, a three ticket prize box and other special rewards they can get with four tickets.  My son was learning the other day to make wise decisions.  Spend now or save and get what he really wanted later.  He was learning but didn't like the lesson.  After much pouting and resisting on his part, he finally learned to be wise with his choices.  He choose to save and do another chore so he could get the prize he really wanted.  That was a proud mama moment for me :)

Just like my son learning to be wise how he spent his tickets I'm learning (once again) to be wise with the slots of time I have.  I have to stick with what's valuable to me.  Which is time with my kids to homeschool, time with my family to play, time with my husband, time for God and time for myself to unwind and/or be with friends.  There's only so much I can do each day.  What will I choose?

Even what I think is good for me isn't always the best call.  I continuously pray for the Lord's guidance as I make these choices.  He is faithful as He closes doors that I desperately wanted open.  Just a few days ago the door was closed on three different things.  I really wanted to do two of them.  I pouted and was crabby but all the while knew God knows what's best for my family and I.  I must continue to trust that He knows what He's doing and He's in control. 

I don't take my decisions lightly and I must stick to what I value or my life will easily get off balance.  I'm so glad God's goodness is there to cover me and guide me as I listen to Him.

Here & Now

My husband and I celebrated our anniversary by watching our wedding video with our two oldest kids.  It's amazing to see how time truly does go so fast.  My daughter was the flower girl.  She seemed so little then.  Now she's almost as tall as I am. 

It really doesn't seem that long ago yet it's been a lifetime ago.  Since then we've added three beautiful children.  They put so much joy in our lives.  

I know people say your wedding day is one of the best days of your life.  As my husband and I watched the video we were recalling how stressful of a day it was.  You can tell in some of the pictures that we weren't very relaxed. 

That moment was beautiful in that it was a turning point as we became husband and wife.  Our lives were changed as we joined our hearts in a commitment before the Lord. 

Changed for the better.  I have to say I enjoy life so much better now then I did then.  Even my husband and I's relationship is more solid.  More stable. 


In Loving Memory

I was surprised that I counted about eight people that came to our wedding who have passed away since.  I also realized I haven't seen most of the people I used to work with since my wedding day.  However, I have met so many wonderful people since that day.  They don't replace those I no longer see but certainly add to my life here & now. 

I don't want to be a person who lives in the past.  Instead I want to cherish all I have now and look to the future with great expectation and wonder as to which way God is leading us.  His ways often seems strange to me.  He is always good.  A giver of life.  My healer.  Celebrating our special day simply reminded me to cherish today.  To live and love the here & now. 

Room for a King

One of the things I like about owning our home is decorating and painting. Putting some of myself into the house. I decided before we moved in to dedicate the dining room to Jesus. A room fit for a King. (I know it may sound corny but stick with me. My love for Jesus makes me sound corny from time to time.)

It's been a few years now and we haven't had the money or time to makeover the dining room. I was sitting at the dining room table and telling the Lord I'm sorry I haven't hardly touched the room. About that time I glanced up at the TV in the living room and there was a travel show on showing the beautiful cathedrals full of golden chairs, the best fabrics and breath-taking art and stained glass. Every detail was grand.


At that moment it struck me that people go to great lengths to dedicate buildings, rooms, homes, pieces of art, etc. to God, yet what He really wants is our heart. The dedication of our heart, our life, our ALL is worth more to the Lord then all the jewels in the world. It's a relationship with us Jesus is interested in. I still plan to go ahead with my plans for the room fit for a King. What Jesus really wants to know is, do you have room in your heart for me?